When you feel low, or anxious, everything around you
seems to affirm those feelings, and often the untrue thoughts associated with them.
When this happens- take a step of self-care,
My way of reaching out was therapy.
I first went to see a therapist at the end of 2017, it lasted for about 6 months. I went because I had been experiencing an obsession with skin picking for many years, and I finally realized how much anxiety it was causing me.
It's funny how you start doing something to lessen your feelings of being out of control and anxious, and then often these behaviors cause us more harm than our anxiety ever did.
It was a good therapeutic relationship, and I feel grateful that I resonated with my therapist and felt comfortable enough to get to the root of some of my struggles- more on this soon.
You may not resonate with the first therapist you meet, we don't all click and get along. Please don't let this stop you from still getting the help you feel you need...there is someone right for you, and you deserve to feel good in the company of your therapist.
I want to emphasize that although I felt comfortable to get to the root of my problems with my therapist, it is ,ultimately , not always a comfortable space. We are utterly vulnerable when sitting across from someone spilling the deepest parts of ourselves. Even when my mind felt safe around her and I trusted her, my body still showed reactions towards being this open.
I hardly ever maintained eye contact, I would get hot and sweaty, my voice would be shaky, almost always the tears would come.
You feel a bit stupid for feeling this way, and then if you're me you remind yourself that this is what they know, they are here to help you process things- you get to be whoever you are in that vulnerable moment.
If therapy is not for you- don't give up on yourself and your healing, there is such a variety of healing modalities- find what works for you!
This week I went to therapy again for the first time since terminating last year.
I was telling my husband what a weird feeling it was. When you end your sessions it kind of feels like a break up, and somehow when you feel the need to go again, it can seem to yourself like you've failed at something.
You have not failed if you want to see your therapist again. I believe you have grown to an awareness of yourself where you know when you're coping well, and when you're not coping well- and then seeking support.
Last week I had a depressive episode and I felt so worthless and out of control- I knew a check in with my therapist would do me well.
I made an appointment for this week, and embraced what may come up.
I was well aware that my family experienced the loss of my mother-in-law, and that we are navigating our way into parenthood as we are expecting our first child in June.
I made the decision to check in on myself, because for everyone's sake, especially mine, I want to be in touch with what I'm working through and how to best do it.
I felt a great sense of relief after my session, getting the affirmation that all I was feeling was expected in this time of loss and transition.
We came up with some things that I will continue to reflect and work on in my own time, we didn't schedule any more sessions for the time being.
What felt like the end of the world to me when dealing with it on my own, was suddenly much lighter when processing it with my therapist. And just like that, my energy spent on the questions and worries, could be better used elsewhere.
I breathed deeply as I left her offices, feeling lighter than I did before, and ready to step back into life with a refreshed perspective.
What to take from this post:
*If you're having a hard time, reach out.
*There is therapy, but there are also alternative options, find them.
*You are worthy of being helped.
*When we work through the shadows, we discover new strengths about ourselves.
*Don't make life harder than it has to be, work on your shit and end your suffering, no one else can do it for you.
I hope sharing my experience will help some of you. Maybe it gives you a "hell yes, I'm going for it" or a "no thanks, I'll pass"...that's okay. Trust your gut.
Share this if you think it will benefit someone in your life, or reach out to me if you'd like to discuss it more or ask for recommendations.